Remembering who you are…

Who we are and what we are destined to be and learn isn’t always that transparent. Especially in times of trauma and uncertainty, we as humans seem to easily loose sight of what it is we want to be.  I for one have continually as a Pisces had to fight against the tides and waves of hurdles blocking me from exploring and expressing my hearts desires. Star signs and numerology play a huge part in our journeys on earth but that is a conversation I will save for another blog post.

Over the last 14 months I have been learning to UN-do some unhealthy patterns. Searching for the inner woman I once was. Marrying the wrong person sometime ago had lead me to forget how much of a earth warrior and nature lover I was. How strongly my yearnings to be outdoors were and how many signs I missed that nature was calling me. Some may read this thinking it sounds ridiculously airy and fairy but one mustn’t judge the power a single tree hug can give the body of a broken heart. When you look at the pattern of a tree stump when it’s chopped down and then look at the human finger print there is a significant resemblance.

Often in times of hurt, sorrow, sadness or confusion I have a calling to go to certain sentimental parks across Leeds or the seaside. When I am there I become uplifted, stronger and immediately calm. It amazes me every time that nature, plants, serene landscapes and water can have this effect upon a human mind and body.

What saddens me is that it is often not appreciated by the human race or isn’t used as much as it could be for therapy benefits within children or the mentally unwell.  Thousands of nature reserves and tranquil walks and beautiful coastlines are all around us and often we turn to negative conversations, drugs, alcohol or over indulging to treat our emotions.

I spent years asking my former husband to come on dog walks with the children and to venture to new places for a picnic. He would reply with ” I am on my feet all day at work why would I want to walk on a weekend”. I would gently explain the benefits of the outdoors to your well being and our children and be shot down with ” You go I’d rather watch the formula 1 or chill”. The rejection hit hard and I would resentfully then go alone but not enjoy the outdoors for feeling rejected, alone and saddened by his lack of passion for things that I valued.

Without realising I was then stopping myself from absorbing the natural energies from the earth. I wasn’t able to inhale the positive feelings that nature gives me because I was to transfixed on his feelings and emotions. His toxicity has engulfed my aura and blocked me from accessing happiness from things I loved. It’s funny how we never can see the effects of toxic relationships until you step away and out of them.

Since leaving myself and my four children have visited a whole array of new places and beaches. You can literally see the positive glow radiating from our faces and how much we have fun and play in nature. It isn’t always easy remembering who you are but with time and following your gut instincts you can find yourself once again. If your heart tells you to go, then do it. If you have an urge to be somewhere then find a way there. If you love something or someone then express it. Never do what I did because you will miss so many amazing adventures and time is something you can never get back.

Written in the April Half Term 2019 after some fantastic walks with my children.

By Francesca Shaw