“Not so Yummy Mummy!”

I hear this all the time ” Yummy Mummy”. But I ponder over who created this not so realistic ideology of a mother, mum, mummy, parent or whatever you like to refer to the creator of human life.

I’ve been a mum myself for nearly 13 years now as my eldest child is 12. I took my role of mum from the day I found out I was expecting back in spring 2005.

One thing that struck me when I was called a “yummy mummy” for the first time, was that I have never felt “yummy”.

I have felt like I needed spoon feeding myself because of sheer exhaustion but never like I wanted to be eaten!

In a way I have been eaten though or that’s what breastfeeding can feel like sometimes. Despite volunteering as a peer supporter for many years I still experienced aversions myself.  I have still felt overwhelmed with been bitten, chomped on and drained of life – this is definitely not ‘yummy’.

I’ve gone through countless mother and baby classes and been often referred to as a “yummy mummy”. I’ve seen baby bags, T-shirts, mugs and all sorts of merchandise on the subject.  But I assure you there’s nothing Yummy about being a mummy.

Stinking of caffeine to stay awake, having dribble and sick in your hair that no-one dares tell you about until you notice it at tea time as you catch a glance of your reflection in the hallway mirror. The phrase ‘Yummy Mummy’ is most certainly not the sweating that comes after childbirth, the ransid smell of blood and the post labour cramps as that tired uterus spends months returning to her once tiny size.

Never in my years of sleepless nights have I said to my fellow baby mother friends at play group that I feel ‘yummy’. The word Yummy makes me think of fine cakes, cream tea, a beautiful salad with my favourite cocktail in a spa with peace and fucking quiet! Not sleepless lonely hours in the midst of the night struggling to keep the eyelids open. Silently crying to myself as I feel overwhelmed with love for this tiny fragile human I birthed. Yet I feel so scared and alone, so erratic.

This word ‘Yummy Mummy’ has made me loose my identity.

Not only is this phrase suffocating me but I’m now “someones mum” at play group. I hear mums reffering to other parents as “You know Elliot’s mum”.

So now I’m someone’s mum. These people don’t even know my name anymore. No-one even asked me or any of these other identity lost women if we like this “yummy mummy’ or ‘someones mum’ slogan. So why do I feel an intense anxiety to conform to societies expectation? The pressure daily to dress, look and portray to be ‘yummy’ sends me dizzy.

I can’t keep up amongst the food shopping, cleaning, homework, cooking, dog walking, parents evening, argument solving, tantrum soothing, bathing, teeth brushing, sock sorting, lego standing, story telling, night feeding bedlam.

I’m a mother that’s lost her identity to a slogan that isnt true.

Am I a fake?

Am I lost?

Why is being me not beautiful enough?

Why do they label me this “Yummy Mummy?”

I’d just like to be referred to by my name. I’d like to be remembered for me, for who I used to be before I became “someone’s mum” Surley there must be more mothers out there that feel angered by this “Yummy Mummy” ideology and want to shout out loud this mum life is “NOT SO YUMMY MUMMY”.

Written 4th June 2018 inspired by Faith, Jacob, Elliot and Tobias and Society. By Francesca Shaw.