Days out as a single parent Is a mental battle I was never prepared for.

Watching them run, bounce, skip and smile, is as a parent, one of the richest moments of your life.  In that moment of fun and freedom you smile from the inside out. Feeling what can only be described as unconditional love. Watching on and taking a mental photograph of their happiness is where the battle begins. Welling up unexpectedly, swallowing tears of what feels like grief, is one of the scariest feelings when your not prepared for it. Wearing a teary smile to juggle numerous emotions and hide the unpredictability of your mood.

From happiness to sadness your mind becomes a memorial for what you had and now is lost. Wishing that the other parent you once cared enough for to make a child with could experience this moment with you.

Glancing around and seeing couples sitting together and laughing.  Admiring how love radiates of everyone around you and yet you’ve knowone to look at you in that way.

You didnt sign up for this when you decided to go for that very first scan together. Your entire world was focused around the three of you (or 4, 5 or 6 if you already had children together). All of a sudden your now raising the child/children single handedly and have knowone to share these special moments with. It’s a battle between being a strong, independent single and resilient parent. Yet on one hand you feel like a death has occurred inside of you for a partner. What happened to shared parenting and sharing raising the children you did not create on your own?