Written for all the MUMS AKA SUPERHUMANS!! The 6 week summer holiday is upon us in a matter of weeks. This was written last year on the last day of term and I thought it would make a good 1st blog post.
What one individual can do by 9am is somewhat that of a superhuman being. The rushing, cleaning, bottom wiping, argument de-fusing, kitchen side wiping, pet sorting, P.E kit finding, selfie taking 😂, dishwasher loading, nappy changing, toilet training, pack lunch making- is a sheer skill. All this is completed before chasing un brushed dirty teeth monsters-whilst watching the clock hoping knowone thinks bad of her because shes already 3 minutes behind target for that dredded school bell. And breath, Exhausted yet? That’s just the beginning!
Now she’s to get ready! Wanting to look presentable- the superhuman being has to let go off all inhibitions and parenting tactics and let them brawl, shout, squirt cereal and milk all over the kitchen – whilst she has 9 minutes to get ready. Frantically rubbing in the foundation she hopes that knowone at the school gates will notice the sleep deprived pupils and stress induced dark circles.
Finding clothes is never dull- ones wardrobe since birth has somewhat changed! Nothing fits, sexy 🤣 whats that? Fashion is now a new language to learn. Designer??? 🤔 mmm “yeah like how does ‘dribble n shit’ sound? That could be a really nice brand! I wear it most days” she mutters.
Ignoring the self confidence demons and feelings of inadequacy she throws on her favourite ‘dribble n shit’ outfit and then realises the time!!
Finding the keys is the next hurdle! One of the pack has hidden/moved or lost them. So in a fit of fury her superhuman roar is released as tensions have been rising since 6am.
Unable to find the keys and its inevitable she will be late, she dials the phone frantically to her superhuman partner. In desperation she asks “do you know where they are?” Praying one has lazer eye vision skills she awaits the response….
After an awkward pause one says “Sadly not, where did you last see them?”. She cracks- slumping on to the bottom step, head in her hands whispering “who the fuck would have kids?” Wondering what her life has come to and how she ever ended up crying over car keys, chasing monsters and wearing ‘dribble n shit’.
Then as if by magic the slobbering and wheeping stops, she gives her head a shake, 3 deep breaths and thinks
“Sort yourself out woman your a MUM!! MUMS NEVER QUIT!!!”
Miraculously the 3rd child finds the keys, they hurl themselves into the family wagon and once strapped in she rockets them all to school. When she’s waved them off she’s left in sheer bewilderment that its only 9:03 and shes smashed her fitbit steps for the day already!
She has a 5 minute daydream before realising shes to continue until atleast 10pm. There’s errands to run, another school run at 3pm, that washing on the bed to put away and a society to please. Weather she works or not her desire is to just be a good MUM and nurture those forever hungry monsters that just nearly destroyed her sanity.
If you see this superhuman being around, if your friends with one, if you walk past her- tell her she’s AMAZING! Because without these superhumans called MUMS Im sure the planet would be a very different place.
Stay sain mums 6 weeks is a long time 😉
Written by,
Francesca Shaw
A morning of madness on the last day of term. 25-07-17
The Wise Womb Woman 
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